the rent’s too damn high

Willy White

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If you’re looking for period details packed into a small space on a very steep incline, then look no further. Located in San Francisco’s extremely desirable Bernal Heights neighborhood, this two bedroom one bath home offers charm in lieu of square footage. Priced at a very affordable 1.2 million, you’re only a couple of mortgages away from living the dream.

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Richmond Richie

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While the pros and cons of the color-scheme are still up for debate among the neighbors, Richie’s period charm, spacious bedrooms and tandem garage space are likely to change the tunes of even the most conservative buyers. Situated on the western edge of the city, you can count on lots of fog and long MUNI rides downtown. Bring your Clipper card and and a couple of mortgage bankers—the bidding starts at 2.6 million.

China Town Chaz

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A prime investment opportunity on the edge of Chinatown, these beauties are being sold as a pair. Featuring six two-bedroom units with sweeping city views and over 4,000 square feet of space perfect for retail or a restaurant, this twofer could be a trophy among tenements in this rapidly emerging area. Some hazardous conditions—do not enter without a licensed agent. Call or find us on Facebook for more info! Won’t last long!

Gingerbread Gina

Gina Gingerbread.jpgYou’ve heard of million-dollar views? Good. In this case, you’d better bring two million. Perched between the Oakland Hills and the family-friendly excitement of Oakland’s Grand Ave, this Victorian charmer has everything you’ve been looking for—as long as you can pack it into 1100 square feet. This one won’t last long. Call your careless local lender today!

Little Blue

Blue.jpgYou know that neighborhood around the MacArthur BART station you used to be afraid to walk through? You could call it home sweet home with the purchase of this Emeryville fixer upper. Seller will consider a fresh coat of tan paint for serious buyers. Bring us your offers! Bidding starts at 1.1 million.

Boxy Bernal Brothers

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Precariously perched near the peak of Bernal Hill, these simple structures have been in the neighborhood long enough to see at least one San Francisco bubble burst. While the bars on the window tell you things haven’t alway been Instagramable vistas and six-dollar lattes, both homes have been updated to match the Ikea decor that’s sure to fill them. This is your once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to own an entire corner of the most squirrely city in America. Bidding starts at five million.

Spanish Tile Tony

Spanish Sal.jpgWith an oversized one-car garage, plenty of mature trees and a gracefully curved stairway that your movers are gonna hate, this Grand Lake District beauty would probably set you back about a million or more. Like the festive feel? The current owners will throw in the Christmas lights for free.