real estate commentary

Triple T: Tim Tom and Thelonious

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Also known as the Sunset Threesome, these two-story, single-family homes were built when the American Dream was a less contentious subject and having one and a half bath was considered a luxury. Like puppies in a litter, these three have been together since birth and they’re being sold as a package. Touting 1250 square foot each and three bedrooms, their collective “fixer-upper” status means you can make these siblings part of your family for around five million.

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Kinda Blue

Kinda Blue.jpgOriginally a single-family stunner, this Bernal beauty is currently split into two revenue-driving luxury units. With exquisite period details and countless modern updates, this Bungalow will steal your heart while it drains your renters’ savings accounts. In the mood for renovation? Get rid of the tenants and get ready to have your very own perch on the hill. Choose your own adventure!

China Town Chaz

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A prime investment opportunity on the edge of Chinatown, these beauties are being sold as a pair. Featuring six two-bedroom units with sweeping city views and over 4,000 square feet of space perfect for retail or a restaurant, this twofer could be a trophy among tenements in this rapidly emerging area. Some hazardous conditions—do not enter without a licensed agent. Call or find us on Facebook for more info! Won’t last long!

Gingerbread Gina

Gina Gingerbread.jpgYou’ve heard of million-dollar views? Good. In this case, you’d better bring two million. Perched between the Oakland Hills and the family-friendly excitement of Oakland’s Grand Ave, this Victorian charmer has everything you’ve been looking for—as long as you can pack it into 1100 square feet. This one won’t last long. Call your careless local lender today!

Boxy Bernal Brothers

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Precariously perched near the peak of Bernal Hill, these simple structures have been in the neighborhood long enough to see at least one San Francisco bubble burst. While the bars on the window tell you things haven’t alway been Instagramable vistas and six-dollar lattes, both homes have been updated to match the Ikea decor that’s sure to fill them. This is your once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to own an entire corner of the most squirrely city in America. Bidding starts at five million.

Spanish Tile Tony

Spanish Sal.jpgWith an oversized one-car garage, plenty of mature trees and a gracefully curved stairway that your movers are gonna hate, this Grand Lake District beauty would probably set you back about a million or more. Like the festive feel? The current owners will throw in the Christmas lights for free.

Piedmont Pete

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Pete has been lovingly maintained by his upper-middle class family for decades. With subtle castle-like curb appeal and an aesthetically appealing arrangement of windows, rooflines and overhangs, he stands out among his neighbors. While there may be shag carpeting lurking within his plaster walls and perhaps an olive green electric stovetop in his kitchen, most of the leftovers from the 1968 remodel can be quickly erased by an ambitious new owner and a trusty contractor. Bidding starts at 1.25 million. Depending on the fiscal success of your start up, you may want to go ahead and get comfortable with the things you don’t like—there’s a good chance you’ll be living with them for a while.