not that funny

Triple T: Tim Tom and Thelonious

x3.jpg

Also known as the Sunset Threesome, these two-story, single-family homes were built when the American Dream was a less contentious subject and having one and a half bath was considered a luxury. Like puppies in a litter, these three have been together since birth and they’re being sold as a package. Touting 1250 square foot each and three bedrooms, their collective “fixer-upper” status means you can make these siblings part of your family for around five million.

Advertisements

China Town Chaz

Chaz.jpg
A prime investment opportunity on the edge of Chinatown, these beauties are being sold as a pair. Featuring six two-bedroom units with sweeping city views and over 4,000 square feet of space perfect for retail or a restaurant, this twofer could be a trophy among tenements in this rapidly emerging area. Some hazardous conditions—do not enter without a licensed agent. Call or find us on Facebook for more info! Won’t last long!

Rustic Roger

Rustic Roger.jpg

A fixer-upper in any other part of the world, this hillside retreat comes with a secure entrance, two-car garage and enough dry rot to keep your preferred San Francisco contractor busy for at least a year.* Spend your evening watching the fog roll over Twin Peaks and your mornings trying to figure out how to get another home improvement loan. My estimated pre-bidding-war starting price is $1.8 million. Rent the whole house for $6250—with a 13-thousand dollar deposit to cover any damage. Small cats considered.

* I have no idea if this house has any dry rot issues.