houses I can’t afford

Grant of Grand Lake


Ever wished you could live inside a fairy tale? Now you can. This well-appointed stucco beauty sits on a half-acre lot filled with heathy foliage and fruit trees. When you’re not inside enjoying one of the five bedrooms and three and half baths, you’re free to invite 45 of your best friends over for a low-key porch party. This is one you simply have to see to believe. Starting price is a mere 3.5 million.


Beach Blanket Barb



With unobstructed beach views out front and lush shag carpet inside, you’re sure to get swept away by this retro charmer. Featuring well-preserved fixtures throughout and stone details that’ll take you back the Mad Men era, you get 950 square feet of pure rest and relaxation. Step inside and you’ll never want to leave your beachfront oasis.

Pacific Grover


Known among the locals simply as the “pink house,” Grover has a sunny disposition and a prime location just a block from the rocky shores of the Pacific Ocean. With one bedroom and an office that could easily be converted, you could own a nearly coastal, very small piece of the California coast. Tear it down and build something to suit your needs or buy it “as is” and have a rustic retreat to call your very own. Bidding starts at 1.5 million.


Little Blue

Blue.jpgYou know that neighborhood around the MacArthur BART station you used to be afraid to walk through? You could call it home sweet home with the purchase of this Emeryville fixer upper. Seller will consider a fresh coat of tan paint for serious buyers. Bring us your offers! Bidding starts at 1.1 million.


Boxy Bernal Brothers


Precariously perched near the peak of Bernal Hill, these simple structures have been in the neighborhood long enough to see at least one San Francisco bubble burst. While the bars on the window tell you things haven’t alway been Instagramable vistas and six-dollar lattes, both homes have been updated to match the Ikea decor that’s sure to fill them. This is your once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to own an entire corner of the most squirrely city in America. Bidding starts at five million.


Spanish Tile Tony

Spanish Sal.jpgWith an oversized one-car garage, plenty of mature trees and a gracefully curved stairway that your movers are gonna hate, this Grand Lake District beauty would probably set you back about a million or more. Like the festive feel? The current owners will throw in the Christmas lights for free.


Piedmont Pete


Pete has been lovingly maintained by his upper-middle class family for decades. With subtle castle-like curb appeal and an aesthetically appealing arrangement of windows, rooflines and overhangs, he stands out among his neighbors. While there may be shag carpeting lurking within his plaster walls and perhaps an olive green electric stovetop in his kitchen, most of the leftovers from the 1968 remodel can be quickly erased by an ambitious new owner and a trusty contractor. Bidding starts at 1.25 million. Depending on the fiscal success of your start up, you may want to go ahead and get comfortable with the things you don’t like—there’s a good chance you’ll be living with them for a while.