houses I can’t afford

Triple T: Tim Tom and Thelonious

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Also known as the Sunset Threesome, these two-story, single-family homes were built when the American Dream was a less contentious subject and having one and a half bath was considered a luxury. Like puppies in a litter, these three have been together since birth and they’re being sold as a package. Touting 1250 square foot each and three bedrooms, their collective “fixer-upper” status means you can make these siblings part of your family for around five million.

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Willy White

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If you’re looking for period details packed into a small space on a very steep incline, then look no further. Located in San Francisco’s extremely desirable Bernal Heights neighborhood, this two bedroom one bath home offers charm in lieu of square footage. Priced at a very affordable 1.2 million, you’re only a couple of mortgages away from living the dream.

Richmond Richie

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While the pros and cons of the color-scheme are still up for debate among the neighbors, Richie’s period charm, spacious bedrooms and tandem garage space are likely to change the tunes of even the most conservative buyers. Situated on the western edge of the city, you can count on lots of fog and long MUNI rides downtown. Bring your Clipper card and and a couple of mortgage bankers—the bidding starts at 2.6 million.

Grant of Grand Lake

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Ever wished you could live inside a fairy tale? Now you can. This well-appointed stucco beauty sits on a half-acre lot filled with heathy foliage and fruit trees. When you’re not inside enjoying one of the five bedrooms and three and half baths, you’re free to invite 45 of your best friends over for a low-key porch party. This is one you simply have to see to believe. Starting price is a mere 3.5 million.

Beach Blanket Barb

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With unobstructed beach views out front and lush shag carpet inside, you’re sure to get swept away by this retro charmer. Featuring well-preserved fixtures throughout and stone details that’ll take you back the Mad Men era, you get 950 square feet of pure rest and relaxation. Step inside and you’ll never want to leave your beachfront oasis.

Pacific Grover

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Known among the locals simply as the “pink house,” Grover has a sunny disposition and a prime location just a block from the rocky shores of the Pacific Ocean. With one bedroom and an office that could easily be converted, you could own a nearly coastal, very small piece of the California coast. Tear it down and build something to suit your needs or buy it “as is” and have a rustic retreat to call your very own. Bidding starts at 1.5 million.

Little Blue

Blue.jpgYou know that neighborhood around the MacArthur BART station you used to be afraid to walk through? You could call it home sweet home with the purchase of this Emeryville fixer upper. Seller will consider a fresh coat of tan paint for serious buyers. Bring us your offers! Bidding starts at 1.1 million.