bernal heights

Boxy Bernal Brothers

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Precariously perched near the peak of Bernal Hill, these simple structures have been in the neighborhood long enough to see at least one San Francisco bubble burst. While the bars on the window tell you things haven’t alway been Instagramable vistas and six-dollar lattes, both homes have been updated to match the Ikea decor that’s sure to fill them. This is your once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to own an entire corner of the most squirrely city in America. Bidding starts at five million.

Bernal Ben

Bernal Ben.jpgBen hasn’t been gentrified yet—even as the Design Within Reach crowd ambushes his fellow, wood-framed neighbors. His eaves are dirty, his first floor siding tagged by teenagers and his porch smells of urine. Although never divided into apartments, this two story Bernal Heights home hasn’t had the maintenance it deserved over the years. Considering his square footage and proximity to “authentic” Mexican food, I’d imagine the starting bid for Ben would be at least two million. And if one of Zuckerberg’s buddies is in the bidding war, the foggy San Francisco sky is the limit.