bernal heights

Wendy Winfield

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If you’re not charmed by the brick street out front, then just wait until you see the view of Sutro Tower from the adorable front porch. Located just steps from the bustle of Cortland Avenue, this home has two updated units that still retain their Victorian charm. Live in one and rent the other out? The city’s rental market is almost as absurd as its real estate market, so why not? Not sure if you’re qualified to be a landlord? Don’t worry—anyone can do it! Our very motivated seller will entertain any offer over 1.9 million.

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Willy White

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If you’re looking for period details packed into a small space on a very steep incline, then look no further. Located in San Francisco’s extremely desirable Bernal Heights neighborhood, this two bedroom one bath home offers charm in lieu of square footage. Priced at a very affordable 1.2 million, you’re only a couple of mortgages away from living the dream.

Boxy Bernal Brothers

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Precariously perched near the peak of Bernal Hill, these simple structures have been in the neighborhood long enough to see at least one San Francisco bubble burst. While the bars on the window tell you things haven’t alway been Instagramable vistas and six-dollar lattes, both homes have been updated to match the Ikea decor that’s sure to fill them. This is your once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to own an entire corner of the most squirrely city in America. Bidding starts at five million.

Bernal Ben

Bernal Ben.jpgBen hasn’t been gentrified yet—even as the Design Within Reach crowd ambushes his fellow, wood-framed neighbors. His eaves are dirty, his first floor siding tagged by teenagers and his porch smells of urine. Although never divided into apartments, this two story Bernal Heights home hasn’t had the maintenance it deserved over the years. Considering his square footage and proximity to “authentic” Mexican food, I’d imagine the starting bid for Ben would be at least two million. And if one of Zuckerberg’s buddies is in the bidding war, the foggy San Francisco sky is the limit.