Top-of-the-Hill Tess

Tess.jpgConveniently located near a number of nursing home facilities and the lively but tame activity of Piedmont Avenue, this vintage “survivor” offers two units and infinite charm for the right buyer. Retaining its original woodwork, plumbing and electrical, the main unit is perfect for Instagrammers who don’t mind an occasional cold shower or changing a blown fuse every couple of weeks. Downstairs, the garden unit is an ideal getaway for a mother-in-law who doesn’t mind the smell of mildew. With bidding starting in the low one millions, this beauty won’t last long!


Boxy Bernal Brothers


Precariously perched near the peak of Bernal Hill, these simple structures have been in the neighborhood long enough to see at least one San Francisco bubble burst. While the bars on the window tell you things haven’t alway been Instagramable vistas and six-dollar lattes, both homes have been updated to match the Ikea decor that’s sure to fill them. This is your once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to own an entire corner of the most squirrely city in America. Bidding starts at five million.

North Beach Nina

Nina.jpgConveniently located near well-known strip clubs and homeless hangouts, there’s a lot of luxury hiding behind this extremely secure entryway. With space for six or more units, this is an investment opportunity you can’t afford to walk away from. Call your favorite contractor and get ready to rake in the rent! The bidding starts at $5.2 million—contact us today for a chance to own a piece of San Francisco history!

Dodgy Duke

Dodge Camper.jpgThis campervan will guzzle gas, but it’s well worth the investment when you consider the benefits of having a home without a zip code. You’ll never mow another lawn again! The body graphics scream retro taste, while the steel wheels and basic white paint suggest rugged adventurer. Depending on mileage, tire condition and whether it’ll pass a smog test, this tenement on wheels is probably worth 7k to a discriminating buyer with impeccable parallel parking skills.

Putnam Pam

PutnamPam.jpgThe first time I noticed this house in San Francisco’s Bernal Heights there was a car on blocks precariously abandoned along the curb—all four of its wheels missing. The “up and coming” neighborhood aside, this two bedroom, one-and-a-half bath stucco structure could be your Bay Area dream home—as long as your budget is in the two million dollar range and your future family plans involve cats in lieu of children.

Spanish Tile Tony

Spanish Sal.jpgWith an oversized one-car garage, plenty of mature trees and a gracefully curved stairway that your movers are gonna hate, this Grand Lake District beauty would probably set you back about a million or more. Like the festive feel? The current owners will throw in the Christmas lights for free.

Piedmont Pete


Pete has been lovingly maintained by his upper-middle class family for decades. With subtle castle-like curb appeal and an aesthetically appealing arrangement of windows, rooflines and overhangs, he stands out among his neighbors. While there may be shag carpeting lurking within his plaster walls and perhaps an olive green electric stovetop in his kitchen, most of the leftovers from the 1968 remodel can be quickly erased by an ambitious new owner and a trusty contractor. Bidding starts at 1.25 million. Depending on the fiscal success of your start up, you may want to go ahead and get comfortable with the things you don’t like—there’s a good chance you’ll be living with them for a while.