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Gingerbread Gina

Gina Gingerbread.jpgYou’ve heard of million-dollar views? Good. In this case, you’d better bring two. Perched between the Oakland Hills and the family-friendly excitement of Oakland’s Grand Ave, this Victorian charmer has everything you’ve been looking for—as long as you can pack it into 1100 square feet. This one won’t last long. Call your careless local lender today!

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Little Blue

Blue.jpgYou know that neighborhood around the MacArthur BART station you used to be afraid to walk through? You could call it home sweet home with the purchase of this Emeryville fixer upper. Seller will consider a fresh coat of tan paint for serious buyers. Bring us your offers! Bidding starts at 1.1 million.

Top-of-the-Hill Tess

Tess.jpgConveniently located near a number of nursing home facilities and the lively but tame activity of Piedmont Avenue, this vintage “survivor” offers two units and infinite charm for the right buyer. Retaining its original woodwork, plumbing and electrical, the main unit is perfect for Instagrammers who don’t mind an occasional cold shower or changing a blown fuse every couple of weeks. Downstairs, the garden unit is an ideal getaway for a mother-in-law who doesn’t mind the smell of mildew. With bidding starting in the low one millions, this beauty won’t last long!

Boxy Bernal Brothers

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Precariously perched near the peak of Bernal Hill, these simple structures have been in the neighborhood long enough to see at least one San Francisco bubble burst. While the bars on the window tell you things haven’t alway been Instagramable vistas and six-dollar lattes, both homes have been updated to match the Ikea decor that’s sure to fill them. This is your once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to own an entire corner of the most squirrely city in America. Bidding starts at five million.

North Beach Nina

Nina.jpgConveniently located near well-known strip clubs and homeless hangouts, there’s a lot of luxury hiding behind this extremely secure entryway. With space for six or more units, this is an investment opportunity you can’t afford to walk away from. Call your favorite contractor and get ready to rake in the rent! The bidding starts at $5.2 million—contact us today for a chance to own a piece of San Francisco history!

Dodgy Duke

Dodge Camper.jpgThis campervan will guzzle gas, but it’s well worth the investment when you consider the benefits of having a home without a zip code. You’ll never mow another lawn again! The body graphics scream retro taste, while the steel wheels and basic white paint suggest rugged adventurer. Depending on mileage, tire condition and whether it’ll pass a smog test, this tenement on wheels is probably worth 7k to a discriminating buyer with impeccable parallel parking skills.

Putnam Pam

PutnamPam.jpgThe first time I noticed this house in San Francisco’s Bernal Heights there was a car on blocks precariously abandoned along the curb—all four of its wheels missing. The “up and coming” neighborhood aside, this two bedroom, one-and-a-half bath stucco structure could be your Bay Area dream home—as long as your budget is in the two million dollar range and your future family plans involve cats in lieu of children.